Jimmy Fallon to Quit The Tonight Show After Realizing that his Name Spelled Backwards Sounds Like “No Laugh”
February 19, 2014
BURBANK, CA – After many months of buildup, Jimmy Fallon’s long-anticipated debut as host of NBC’s venerable Tonight Show ended before it even began as Fallon quit before the curtain rose for his first show.
Multiple sources report that Fallon locked himself in his dressing room right before the start of the show after he suddenly realized that his name spelled backwards is “no llaf,” which sounds a lot like “no laugh,” which understandably sent Fallon’s psyche into an irreversible tailspin that effectively ended the would-be host’s promising comedy career.
These same sources uniformly reported a “river of shit and tears” inside the dressing room as Fallon slowly digested his fate, and a “river of blood and urine” outside the dressing room as NBC staff repeatedly pounded their swollen fists against the dressing room door to convince Fallon to come out and host the show. It was to no avail.
New Tonight Show band leader Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson hosted the show in Fallon’s stead and was burned alive by an angry audience before the opening monologue ended.
Fallon confirmed his decision to quit comedy in a press conference held Wednesday in front of a room packed with reporters and industry personnel. Fallon, weighing a wispy 75 pounds and appearing “filthy” and smelling like “shit” after three days locked in the dressing room, tearfully explained that “no laugh mean me sad mean me go bye bye.”
Lorne Michaels, who has functioned as Fallon’s mentor for the past fifteen years and is technically still the show’s executive producer, sat in the back of the room and proceeded to slit his throat with a folded up $500,000 bill, reportedly the only one in existence.
