NFL Referee Admits He Totally Hates Football
Secretly Happy He Ruined the Playoffs
January 15, 2015
Green Bay, Wisconsin – “Opportunities like that come along once in a lifetime,” explained NFL referee, Gene Steratore, referring to his pivotal role in Sunday’s Divisional Playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and Green Bay Packers. “I’m just happy I was able to seize the moment.”
Steratore was pleased to find himself at the center of one of the most controversial officiating calls in recent memory when he overturned on video replay what appeared to be a clear catch and completion by Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant with only minutes left in the fourth quarter. The play proved to be the decisive play of the game and completely tarnished what was shaping up to be a modern playoff classic.
Despite the play on the field, Steratore was not impressed. “I totally hate football. Always have. In fact, I don’t think I understand sports at all.” Steratore went on to explain his state of mind on game day. “What’s weird for me is that the more people get excited and into a game, the more I hate it, the more I want to make the cheering stop. It’s just a stupid-ass game. For me, it’s worse. It’s a shit job.”
That disdain reached a fever pitch late in the fourth quarter when the Cowboys, down 26-21, found themselves with a fourth down situation in Packers territory and decided to go for it. “It was a long day. It was cold. Those bloated freaks in Wisconsin were all jazzed up. I didn’t like the red hue of the Cowboy coach’s hair. It seemed to get redder as the game went on. I knew I had had enough.”
And then the “once in a lifetime opportunity” came along. “Number 88 on white clearly caught the ball, and I could sense something big happening. Lots of excitement and cheers and tension, and I got the feeling there was going to be more. I was saying to myself, ‘Holy fuck, here we go again.’”
“When the fatso on the green team threw the red flag, I knew it was my time to shine. I don’t even think I watched the video. I knew I was going to reverse it either way. Fuck everyone. Serves them right. Classic game? Not on my watch.”
As promised, Steratore reversed the call on the field, which, to Steratore’s delight, effectively ended the game and led to days of controversy instead of celebration. But even the irascible Steratore could not predict what happened next. “So here I am thinking that I’m going to get in trouble for all the controversy I created (not that I care), and my buddy calls and says that everyone on TV is saying that I made the right call! Yeah, apparently there’s some arcane rule that supports my call, which effectively was just me being a dick. You can’t make this stuff up.”
Asked whether he had any comment for the legion of NFL fans affected by his actions, Steratore was quick to respond. “Absolutely: Serves. You. Right.”