Professional Wrestler Saddened To Not Win Academy Award®

February 24, 2015

Memphis, TN – James Ware, a former professional wrestler, went to sleep Sunday night convinced he had just swept the Academy Awards as belated recognition for his performance as the “Birdman.”   Ware genuinely believed he merited the awards for his twelve years of work under his ring name, the “Birdman” Koko B. Ware, a beloved high-energy wrestler from the late 1980s best known for carrying a live macaw named Frankie and a unique dancing style characterized by flapping his arms vigorously to the rhythm of the music.     

Jubilation turned to devastation on Tuesday when, after driving non-stop for 30 hours, Ware showed up at the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences in Beverly Hills to collect his Oscars only to learn that he had not won anything, that a completely unrelated movie called Birdman had won for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best Cinematography, that you actually have to be involved in the making of a motion picture to be eligible for an Oscar, and that they certainly don’t give out Oscars for “whatever the fuck it is that you were doing all those years.”