From the opening sequence of the original Superman films, there is a heavy-handed theme that is hard to miss. The drama begins on the planet Krypton, an unfathomably far-off land of a higher moral caliber, featuring a father who sends his only son to Earth. The father does this because he knows that his planet is doomed and he wants his son to survive, but the father’s decision to send his son to Earth, of all places, is no accident. He knows not only that his son will be able to survive there, but also that the people of Earth are naturally good, and believes his son can help them improve themselves morally. It's a win-win-win.
In the first ten minutes of the movie, we can sense that this is a modern retelling of the foundational Christian story, but with Superman, not Jesus, as the savior of humanity. The very first scene even features the criminal trial of General Zod and his henchmen, the descent of fallen beings, banished from this perfect realm because of their unwillingness to submit to the will of this order.
To really hammer home the point, if you ask anyone to close their eyes and picture what God looks like, He might look a lot like a mature Marlon Brando with Glorious white hair.
None of this is particularly subtle, although the Biblical themes quickly lose steam in the movie and surrender to good old-fashioned popcorn entertainment, featuring pre-CGI special effects of earthquakes, moon landings, falling helicopters, collapsing bridges, nuclear missiles, and lots of flying people.
Superman is sent to Earth as a baby, where he is found in a smoldering hole in the middle of America and raised by an elderly couple who always wanted kids. These were the good ol’ days when you could find babies in the ground and keep them, provided you found them first and lied about where you found them. This is what they called Finders Keepers. As the baby grows up, we see that Superman is not an ordinary human, but rather a being armed with a number of superpowers, including the ability to fly, invincibility, x-ray vision, and superhuman speed and strength, to name a few. He also has access to the scientifically and morally superior wisdom of his home planet, which he absorbs by watching pre-recorded tutorials (think early YouTube videos) about the history of the universe, life, and mankind. He watches these videos in an icy domain called the “Fortress of Solitude,” but it’s really just a castle where Superman can be alone.
It is here, as a young adult, where Superman learns his true identity — he is Kal-El, son of Jor-El — and meets an incorporeal replica of his father, who adds the finishing touch on how we, and Superman, are intended to perceive his place among mankind.
They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way.
For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you, my only son.
[cue the music]
Serve humanity. They can be a great people – they wish to be. They only lack the light to show them the way.
As an adult, following his father’s advice, Superman tries to blend in with the rest of society, even landing a job with a reputable newspaper, the Daily Planet. Superman assumes an alter ego, a mild-mannered and clumsy-to-the-point-of-suicidal reporter named Clark Kent.
Spoiler Alert!!
It’s a good thing Clark Kent is actually Superman, too. Between the two movies, he would have gotten himself maimed or killed no fewer than three times in circumstances completely unrelated to him being a superhero. Either he’s terminally unlucky or unbelievably lucky, but either way he would probably be dead in a week if he ever lost his powers. Why would he lose his powers? You will see.
As the original Superman movies unfold, as we experience each of Superman’s powers displayed in random situations, we realize that even when Superman is throwing trucks and helicopters around, he is no doubt exercising great restraint. He’s probably operating at 20% capacity, even when doing insane and unimaginable things. You know this because at the end of the first film, he flies around the globe at incomprehensible speed in order to reverse the revolution of the Earth and turn back time. And that’s still probably 80% of what Superman can accomplish if he unleashed his full powers.
With this said, for all his physical abilities, Superman’s moral disposition is a bit less clear. He has been told in no uncertain terms by his father not to interfere in human affairs, but when Lois Lane dies, he literally turns back time so that he could save her. How hot is Lois Lane? There’s your answer. Oddly, there appear to be no repercussions from Superman’s direct defiance of his father’s command, but it does preview an imperfect moral compass.
I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I’ll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard.
Jack Handey
Now to the point. What is it that Superman did that is so appalling that it warrants this urgent write-up over 40 years later?
The relevant action starts in the middle of Superman II. The premise of this sequel, in many ways superior to the original, is that the once-banished General Zod and his two henchmen somehow wind up on Earth and are primed to rule the world unless Superman is able to defend his adopted homeland. General Zod, now armed with hair gel and looking more menacingly regal, faces little resistance at first, even from Superman. Why? Because while these sinister Kryptonians are wreaking havoc on the Planet Houston f/k/a Earth, Superman is wreaking havoc of his own. On Lois Lane’s booty.
At some point in the middle of Superman II, Lois Lane realizes that her nerdy co-worker Clark Kent is actually Superman, and Clark Kent slash Superman has fallen madly in love with his co-worker Lois Lane. Then, without consulting anyone, not HR, not Lois Lane, not anyone, Superman decides on his own to permanently relinquish all of his superpowers in order to spend the rest of his life with Lois Lane. What about everyone else, like all the people he was charged to protect? Two words: Fuck ‘em. Lois Lane watches all this happen in real time, never once saying, “no, don’t do this, Superman, especially not for me, because I low-key probably prefer you with superpowers anyway.” Marlon Brando/Jor-El must have thought it was unnecessary to record a hologram saying: “The pussy drives a man crazy, Kal-El. Whatever you do, don’t make any rash life decisions chasing the first piece of tail you meet.” But I bet he wishes he did. Hey, Marlon Brando, it’s not all about the total accumulation of all knowledge spanning the 28 known galaxies. You also have to teach these kids the basics of being a man.
But Superman moves ahead anyway and permanently becomes Clark Kent. When we see him trudging through the Arctic wearing a beige Members Only jacket, our instincts are confirmed: Superman really didn’t think this through.
If Clark Kent didn’t realize this immediately, he does several hours later when he encounters his first difficult interaction as a regular human. Get used to it, Nerd! He and Lois find themselves at a truck stop diner near the Arctic Circle where they cross paths with a surly trucker named Rocky. Rocky does what surly truckers are wont to do and refuses to relinquish his stool next to Lois Lane even though that seat has been reserved for Clark Kent. (Clark was in the bathroom at the time, perhaps for the first time.)
After a few insults are exchanged, including Rocky calling Clark Kent “four-eyes,” Clark Kent then instigates a fistfight, asking Rocky to step outside. Rocky is not a small man, but neither is Clark Kent, standing a cool six-foot four inches of pure muscle. Clark Kent is younger, taller, and more muscular than his opponent, but Rocky uses the element of surprise (i.e., a cheap shot) to gain the upper hand and beats up the bespeckled Clark Kent, sending him through a plate glass door that for some reason is inside the diner.
While Lois Lane wipes a copious amount of blood off a humiliated Clark Kent’s face, the owner of the establishment turns on the television, which shows the President of the United States relinquishing control of the Earth to General Zod, then begging Superman to come and save him and everyone else.
The owner of the diner then turns off the TV – Bah, nothing’s on!
This is clearly a low point for Superman, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and everyone on Earth not named Rocky.
The rest of the story writes itself. Superman regains his powers, fights General Zod and his henchmen in midtown Manhattan, lures them to his ice fortress, outsmarts Zod and his henchmen to deprive them of their superpowers, neutralizes Lex Luthor, then murders Zod while Lois Lane murders Ursa the female henchman. (The third supervillain Non tries to fly and falls to his death.) Superman has once again saved the day.
Amazingly, we have not yet arrived at the truly messed-up thing Superman does. Even the killing of Zod and Ursa made perfect sense in the moment, a defensible and ultimately defensive move against dangerous beings capable of causing great destruction with a wanton disregard for human life.
But isn’t the movie over? I thought you said that the three supervillains were all dead.
They are dead, but the movie is not over. Indeed, the movie isn’t over until we realize who is the true supervillain of the film. And his name is not General Zod or Lex Luthor.
Because what does Superman decide to do next? What unfinished business does Superman possibly have now that he has regained his superhuman strength, speed, ability to fly, x-ray vision, laser powers, and invincibility, while all threats have been extinguished?
No. Don’t tell me.
Yup. He goes back to the diner to beat up Rocky the truck driver.
There is no question that revenge can be emotionally satisfying. People, as individuals and groups, love revenge. The problem here is that Superman is supposed to be a higher moral being, charged with making human beings better. The whole movie is set up to tell that story. Jesus tells us to love our enemies and turn the other check. But Superman, this paragon of strength and virtue from a superior plane of existence, this being descended from the Father Himself to save humanity, this metaphor for Jesus Christ, for Chrissake, can’t make it to the closing credits without getting his hacks in on a middle-aged blue-collar working man just trying to eat some grub before climbing back on his rig to make ends meet. Superman just had to instigate a fistfight with a truck driver in a diner in order to exact revenge for losing in a similar fistfight with the same guy when Superman didn’t have an impossibly unfair advantage. Is Superman’s ego so fragile and damaged that he had to go back and show all the good people of that community that he wasn’t actually a sniveling weakling, but rather a strong and prideful man? Oh, Superman. Oh, Superman, Superman.
“Been working out,” have you? You think that’s funny? You probably just paralyzed that poor trucker, you piece of shit.
One can only shake their head at the moral depravity displayed by Superman in this moment. When I re-watched the film, I wasn’t sure whether I was watching the Godfather or Superman? Did Mario Puzo write the script for this movie?
Why yes. Funny you should say that. Mario Puzo did actually write the script for this movie, which all-of-a-sudden makes perfect sense, given that this was the same writer who believed Michael Corleone had no choice but to have his harmless dim-witted brother killed out of pure revenge.
This last scene shows the criminal logic of this final depraved act by the Man of Steel, so-called. If this is supposed to be the being that helps mankind reach its moral potential, my vote would be to bring back General Zod (not that The Good and Great General would ever submit to a democratic electoral process). At least you always knew where you stood with him, and he didn’t pretend to be above power and revenge. Thanks again, Superman, for providing the light to show us the way. Fuck you, Kal-El, you fraud.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
Jack Handey
Postscript:
If you appreciate subtle foreshadowing for the downward spiral of Superman’s moral character, take a look at the Daily Planet office at the beginning of Superman II.
Yes, that’s a framed picture of the one and only Bill Cosby. Who’s on the opposite wall, Stalin?