You can learn a lot about a society’s values by observing its skylines. You learn about how its people live, how they work, and what they honor. But each time you behold a cityscape, you are merely taking a snapshot at one particular moment of time. You regard the structures, but the reality is that in due time, some buildings will remain, some new ones will be built, and some old ones will simply go away. The forces that drive the change are partially physical—alas, nothing built of man lasts forever—but the evolution of the structures will reflect an evolution of values. New gods will emerge and old ideals will wane, as certain as stone will eventually crumble.
The Empire State Building opened for business in 1931, a mere thirteen months after construction began. It is 1,250 feet tall, 1,454 if you count the antenna. Five workers died during its construction. A few years back, it took me about two years to renovate my two-story house in Brooklyn, which most onlookers regarded as an impressively fast time. Seven workers died redoing the kitchen alone.
The Empire State Building was built on the front end of the Great Depression, a steel and stone testament to a country that was at that time becoming the worldwide steward of a certain set of emerging principles. Among these ideals was the belief that free-market capitalism, despite the global economic crisis at the time, was an inherently good thing, and that industry had the potential to transform society for the better. Built largely by recent immigrants in a country uniquely hospitable to immigrants, it was no accident that this monument to these values was erected in record time smack dab in the middle of the city that was the center of global commerce.
It also happens to be a magnificent building.
Since it was built, the Empire State Building has been situated as the aesthetic center of the Manhattan skyline. Located centrally at the southern end of Midtown, it has always been the natural focal point of any vista facing north. Whether you’re standing in Soho, the Village, or Downtown, the Empire State Building is always the star of the show. From points north, it’s also the star of the show, but since there are so many more skyscrapers in Midtown, it is best viewed from a higher vantage point. It catches the eye from all angles, not only because we recognize it, but because it is tall and it is beautiful.
Speaking of tall, when the Empire State Building was completed, it immediately seized the title of the Tallest Building in the World. The building it surpassed held the record for only a year, because that building had only just been built a year earlier: the Chrysler Building. Compared to the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building was a little shorter, a little thinner, and because it was offset at Lexington and 42nd Street, it was not as advantageously situated to command the viewer’s attention. Even in movies, the Chrysler Building has played second fiddle to its taller cousin. While the Empire State Building was scaled by King Kong in a top-100 movie of all time, the Chrysler Building served as the nest of the ancient winged serpent creature, Quetzalcoatl, in the 1980s monster movie, Q (a movie I loved as a kid, but do not recommend as an adult). Despite these disadvantages, the Chrysler Building as a building is also impressive in its own right. Try driving up the FDR drive without peeking up at its stainless steel tower, especially on a sunny day. It even has car-inspired ornaments across its facade.
For decades, the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building were the two tallest buildings in Midtown. (Although the Twin Towers were taller, as is their replacement, the underrated Freedom Tower, those buildings are located downtown, which has its own separate appeal and does not compete for attention with its Midtown neighbors). Over the past few years, the Midtown skyline has been transformed rather dramatically, creating a new vista where those two Art Deco icons no longer hold their former prominence. Nowadays the eye is distracted. The field of vision is cluttered, distorted. The Empire State Building no longer resides as the natural center of attention. This is because other newer structures have upset the balance. Giant weeds have sprung up next to the prize roses.
These new buildings can be found most conspicuously at the north end of Midtown, right across from Central Park. They appear as skinny sticks, each taller than the Empire State Building, but not offering any reason to look at them other than to wonder why they’re there. Right now, there are only a handful of them. A few years ago, there were none. Are they building more? I don’t know. But I do know that, untreated, weeds have a tendency to spread.
The new additions are apparently all residential towers, apartment buildings existing solely to enable the richest humans walking the earth to get a front row seat to what is actually worth looking at. As structures themselves, these big sticks are about as interesting as small sticks.
One might argue in their defense that the spirit of innovation and industry that brought us the Empire State Building is the same spirit that has brought us these new monstrosities. After all, to build something so thin and so high is without a doubt a technological marvel. However, in this instance all that innovation has been deployed solely in the service of one privileged group, namely the unidentified residents of these buildings, while doing so at the expense of everyone else.
Central Park Tower NYC | Central Park Condos & Penthouses (theoneaboveallelse.com)
For some perspective, a two-bedroom apartment on the 33rd floor of the so-called “Central Park Tower,” the tallest residential building on Earth, costs $6.5 million. The penthouse will run you $195,000,000. The average cost of an apartment appears to be over $20 million.
No, these are not testaments to innovation and industry. The current generation of capitalists is a different species altogether. Today’s capitalist doesn’t want to construct a new Chrysler Building to celebrate his family’s car-building company that employs thousands of workers. The modern-day version wants to achieve a level of privilege, exclusivity, and opulence that is so stratospheric that it can only be enjoyed in the literal stratosphere. The reality is that these are not capitalists in the traditional sense. These are the monsters spawned by our current system.
Who are these people? The truth is I don’t know, but I have a strong suspicion. If you have ever attended a grade school performance, you know that there are always a few parents who stand in front to take video of their kids, blocking the views of everyone else. These people are sociopaths—obviously—sociopaths who literally ruin the experience for everyone else. We know who they are, even if they don’t. These are the people who no-doubt aspire to live in these buildings.
These are human dildos living in steel dildos. They will cast shadows and block your view without even realizing. They will throw off the entire balance of the most beautiful skyline in the greatest city in the world simply to own a piece of an exclusive property. These are the people who would line up for the chance to dine on the last Komodo Dragon. The developers who designed and built these things know their market. As the disembodied voice once said, “If you build it, the douchebags will come.” The buyers are mysterious LLCs, often international clients—code for Russian oligarchs, Saudi princes, and card-carrying members of the Chinese Communist Party. These are people so profoundly out of touch with your and my day-to-day existence that they don’t realize that the building they live in is blocking the view of actually interesting things others might want to see. They are giant middle fingers facing backwards towards everyone else.
If you happen to live in one of these monoliths, but are actually self-made or otherwise delivering societal value, someone who chooses to live there because you like privacy after working really hard at your day job, then I have a few words of advice. First, if you actually exist, I’m sorry I lumped you in with all the other leeches. But if you really are as effective in life as your bank account suggests, you really should have known better. The views may be great, but the optics are terrible. When the inevitable revolution happens, you shouldn’t be anywhere near that building.
Today, the tallest building in New York (and the Western Hemisphere) is still downtown, the 1,776 feet high Freedom Tower. Here are others in the top ten:
2. Central Park Tower (1,550 feet, 2021, Dildo)
3. 111 West 57th Street (1,428 feet, 2022, Dildo)
5. 432 Park Avenue (1,397 feet, 2015, Dildo)
7. The Empire State Building (1,250 feet, 1931)
The Empire State Building is now the Seventh tallest building in New York City (not the world, New York City). The Chrysler Building (1,046 feet, 1930) has fallen to number 12. This all reminds one of when the steroid era did violence to baseball’s home run leaderboard. Central Park Tower is Barry Bonds (762) and 432 Park Avenue is Sammy Sosa (609). The Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building are Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, wondering what the fuck happened.
My sincere hope is that at some point in the future, these structures will be regarded collectively as a symptom of a particular period in American history. A symptom, hopefully brief, of a moral blight, a temporary blind spot. Technological innovation plus extreme wealth inequality plus sociopathy—a Satanic Trifecta.
Finally, it is worth mentioning that these buildings are apparently so innovative, and so tall and thin, that there is at least some question as to whether they would be able to withstand the most severe wind and weather events. The Titanic of the skies, perhaps Billy Zane should put a deposit on that penthouse. This is the inherent risk of being part of uncharted territory, which adds another dimension to how completely ludicrous it is to live in one of these things in the first place. To be clear, I am not saying that I want any of these buildings to come tumbling down. After all, if that happened it might injure some innocent people on the street below.
Correction – apologies for referring to the residents of these buildings as human dildos living in steel dildos. The buildings are made of concrete as well.