The Most Disturbing Horror Movie Ever Made

I haven’t slept in three nights on account of having just watched what I believe to be the Most Disturbing Horror Movie Ever Made. 

The movie begins with a family driving upstate to their annual summer vacation.  They’re a family of four, a successful professional father, housewife mother, and two daughters, the youngest having just graduated high school.    

They arrive at a fancy resort in the middle of a wooded area.  Several days into the vacation, the youngest daughter wanders off and is seduced by a thirty-year-old seasonal employee of the hotel.  He’s a drifter and a grifter, a man who bounces from job to job and is essentially unemployed for ten months out of every calendar year.  Either way, he is a predator and he has successfully captured his prey.   

The movie is called Dirty Dancing.  And the man’s name is Johnny Castle. 

So Johnny Castle starts a sexual relationship with the youngest daughter. Sure enough, soon after this “relationship” gets off the ground, everyone finds out – the hotel staff, the family, the other guests, everyone.  The seasonal employee, this “Johnny Castle,” is summarily fired and sent packing.  Obviously.

Fucking obviously. 

Hey, here’s a thought, Johnny Castle, if everyone calls the girl “Baby,” don’t fuck her. 

From the father’s perspective, this is already the worst vacation ever, and from the audience’s perspective, this is already a pretty shitty, dark movie.  But believe me, it gets much, much worse. 

Fast forward to the final scene: it’s the last night of the vacation, and this is when the hotel staff and select guests put on a musical performance for everyone to enjoy.  They do dances, like the Pachanga.  Great idea, Neil.   The father is just thinking about getting past this horrendous vacation and about how to put the pieces of his family back together again.  For some reason everyone is mad at him.  He orders a scotch on the rocks and sits back to watch the final show.

And guess who shows up.

The guy.  Johnny Castle.

He walks up to the father and gets in his face!   He says, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

What the fuck did this guy just say? 

You heard what he said, man.

And the father looks around the room at all the other fathers and he expects everyone to get together and kick the living shit out of this guy and string him up by his balls and beat him like a piñata – frankly, to beat  him to death.  To be clear, this would not have saved the movie, but at least it would have made sense.

But no.  In the Kafkaesque hellscape of this film, this Johnny Castle guy tells off the father, walks up to the daughter, and guess what happens?

They start dancing!   

And what does everybody else do?  They love it.  They even dance along, in a mocking choreographed spectacle designed for no other purpose than to humiliate and taunt the aggrieved father. 

And the father stares completely dumbfounded, “What the fuck?”

And the credits roll. The End.

I’m not about censorship, you know me, but I am confident that this movie serves no societal purpose and that every copy should be destroyed immediately. What a complete, unmitigated, irredeemable, fucking nightmare.