561 Comments
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scott m's avatar

I do believe I have never read a bigger waste of words.

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Brian Howard's avatar

Oh, come on. The song’s not THAT long.

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PLawson85's avatar

Movin’ Out. Working too Hard, Can give you a Heart Attack Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack! You Oughta Know by Now.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Turn it up brian....I'm Substacks' resident extractor of the urine.

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Lola Coco Petrovski's avatar

😅😅😅

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Brian Howard's avatar

I'm going to put this up top, as it applies to many of the comments, all of which I enjoy and appreciate, by the way. But, when many of you saw a post entitled Billy Joel is a Deranged Psychopath, accompanied by a floating angry head of Billy Joel, were you expecting a story about how Billy Joel butchered my dog? Or a thoroughly-researched paper from a psychiatric medical journal? Keep the comments coming, favorable or unfavorable, and thank you for reading!

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scott m's avatar

Please don’t write any more stupid articles.

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Grape Soda's avatar

How would you even know unless you were stupid enough to read them?

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Darryl Hartshorne's avatar

This is basically a freshman art thesis by someone who really thinks they found something and can’t believe no one else did.

And I don’t mean college freshman.

A d I was willing to listen.

Is he the piano man? Sure. Likely. Most art is about oneself.

So the waitress is putting on her waitress mask and bullshitting her way to tips because she gets paid 2.39/hr. That’s the job!

Speaking of jobs, does the author even know how many bartenders are adoring, wannabe, or failed actors?

Davy very well could be in the Navy for life, and that could be ok or not. Gotta ask Davy.

Business people drink. And like everyone else, are also islands and lonely.

And most importantly, “play me a memory” is a gorgeous line. I mean, I’ll bet even the author has a song or two that takes them back and makes them feel nostalgic in two notes.

It’s called poetry. Set to music. And this is a gorgeous one that we all connect with.

It’s not all about him. It’s about us.

If you want a Billy Joel song that’s all about Billy Joel, go listen to fucking Uptown Girl, fucking braggart.

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scott m's avatar

You're not too bright, are you?

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Grape Soda's avatar

Good one

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What what's avatar

Cry harder

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scott m's avatar

The tripe writer really should learn what a psychopath is. Billy Joel is certainly not one.

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Renee Marie's avatar

“The Mask of Sanity”…😉

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/661059

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Anita's avatar

Ugh

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John Saccone's avatar

As a Catholic I knew years ago about Billy’s Awful verses. This is from Only the Good Die Young.

Come out, Virginia, don't let me wait

You Catholic girls start much too late

Aw, but sooner or later, it comes down to fate

I might as well be the one

Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray

They built you a temple and locked you away

Aw, but they never told you the price that you'd pay

For things that you might have done

Only the good die young

That's what I said

Only the good die young

Only the good die young

You might-a heard I run with a dangerous crowd

We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud

You've got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation

You've got a brand-new soul, mm, and a cross of gold

But, Virginia, they didn't give you quite enough information

You didn't count on me

When you were countin' on your rosary, oh, whoa, whoa

And they say there's a heaven for those who will wait

Some say it's better, but I say it ain't

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints

The sinners are much more fun

I don’t know what Bible he’s reading but according to Scripture, sinners are not going to be happy. Here are just a very few of the many quotes. I recommend you follow God and not billy.

Ps. 92: 8 “Though the wicked flourish like grass and all sinners thrive, They are destined for eternal destruction.”

Ez. 18: 4 “For all lives are mine; the life of the father is like the life of the son, both are mine; only the one who sins shall die.”

Eph. 5: 6-7 “Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the disobedient. So do not be associated with them.”

Heb. 10: 26-27 “If we sin deliberately after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains sacrifice for sins but a fearful prospect of judgment and a flaming fire that is going to consume the adversaries.”

Only Almighty God Knows how many Souls billy has misled over the years. And he will Answer for everyone.

Mt. 7: 14 “How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few.”

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Richard Spelker's avatar

Ahhh... the very words of a rapist Svengali.

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Christopher Foxx's avatar

At least Joel actually exists.

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David Brailsford's avatar

Ah yes, but I lived those verses in my teen years. I sang it to many Catholic friends.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

In Billys' defense though ..He is one of Gods' persecuted few.

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Kitso's avatar

So you're basically just writing clickbait? I won't read anymore of your stuff.

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Michael McWhirter's avatar

Stupid analysis of a stupid song written by a stupid coke head. This song is a canker that frequently plagues the airwaves.

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Brian Howard's avatar

Hey, wait a minute, I've never done cocaine in my life!

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Danny Weiss's avatar

I didn’t make it to the end, but I think your terminology is incorrect. Instead of psychopath, wouldn’t narcissist be a better word choice?

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David Brailsford's avatar

Every great artist is a narcissist or else we would never know about them. I am sure his ex-wives would probably agree with you. But, he has brought me great joy over the last 50 years or so.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

I just cut to the chase

and say Billy's a Jew...

....and let Gods' scattered language

tell the confused what to say.

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Mindy OkayIloveyoubyebye's avatar

So true. Someone's jealous.

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Sali Pet 🇦🇺's avatar

I agree

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Come on people ...The song should have been called, "FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS"

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Mar 16
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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Well ..this begs the question.

Are people getting "so petty" as you say, or are some people, finally getting the courage to stray outside the consensus that once restricted them to agree that it was a good song, and now say that it was tedious self-praise?

I say, if someone needs confirmation from others to like what they (someone) likes; then they (someone) probably aren't totally confident in what they (someone) likes, and they need approval from others to give their own likes validity.

You like what you like and don't give a damn what others think or say or feel the need to qualify or defend what you like..

People sometimes feel guilty for liking what someone else does not like. Which is why they seek confirmation.

Cheer up and don't give a fjck about what piss-takers like myself or Howard says.😊

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Mar 17
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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Well, thank you for giving me the initiation, the corresponding fuel and impetus to "work this to death" Julian. 🤣

What are you trying to accomplish exactly?

Is it a type of online therapy session where you are trying to give the impression that you are psychiatrist, and I am the impertinent patient that hasn't quite deferred to your authority? 😂😂

And further to that, would you also then try to imply that because you are in presumed agreement with others, that my "getting a life" means that I must like the pathetic song you like?

....Your turn Julian

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Mar 17
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Princess Thunderbutt's avatar

I do believe I agree.

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SLART's avatar

Are you a Billy Joel fan?

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scott m's avatar

I am wholly indifferent.

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SLART's avatar

Ok 👌 I thought the article was quite funny, if you see it through a satirical lens

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Mar 18
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scott m's avatar

Huh? Of what recommendation do you speak?

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Mark Lesser's avatar

Well Brian, I read the whole thing and it was entertaining. And I’m actually not a Billy Joel fan. I can listen to one song, but not two, back to back.

But I do know that Artists write what they know. He was a nobody trying to make it, playing in shitty bars with other nobodies. It’s just a moment in time which he captured very well and it launched his career.

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Patricia Nolan Stein's avatar

In 1972 Billy played piano at this Los Angeles bar on Wilshire Blvd. for 6 months. That’s what the song is about…….https://popspotsnyc.com/billy_joel_piano_man/

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Bill Ohm's avatar

Great research, thank you

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

FANTASTIC Forensics Patricia..

Do you think you can apply those talents to a September 11th, 2001, a Time and Space Oddity?

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Tim Lieder's avatar

Thank you Mark for explaining the song to Brian. Too bad he didn't understand it

https://open.substack.com/pub/marlowe1/p/body-by-bob-flanagan-high-risk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=sllf3

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Mark Lesser's avatar

It was entertaining read, and people are still commenting, so Brian did well. I’ve read in some biographies that Billy’s got some issues. But, artists have issues, talent, and an ego. We can all name those people.

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Andy Baylor's avatar

Exactly. Civilians can be such idiots.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

The uncivilized are such geniuses.

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Cory's avatar

I contemplated commenting, but you said what I was thinking. I’m gonna have to listen to the song again, I swore the microphone smelled of whisky and beer.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

And our punishment.

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Anita's avatar

You may be right, he may be crazy

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Brother🍓 Strawberry's avatar

But it just may be a lunatic they’re looking for.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

That was his mating call to Cindy wasn't it?

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Abby Wynne's avatar

I see what you did there 😂

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Kristen's avatar

Anita, you deserve a Pulitzer for those eight words and a comma.

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William Brown's avatar

If that doesn’t end up as the top comment, something’s broken!

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Katerina's avatar

That’s brilliant!!! But I don’t think he’s a psychopath.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Euphemism for fact is antisemitic

Euphemism for Jewish is crazy.

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David Andersen's avatar

Here for the people who took this literally.

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Brian Howard's avatar

One would have thought that the floating angry head would give it away.

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Alicia Brown's avatar

Apparently Substack needs to give us a big HUMOR label option so people can approach things with a sense of one.

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Tom Van Valkenburgh's avatar

In this case “humor.”

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Alicia Brown's avatar

I thought it was pretty funny. YMMV, as the kids no longer say.

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John Melton's avatar

Good satire has a sprinkle of the obvious that makes it actually funny, otherwise you come away looking kinda nuts. If most people didn't get it was a joke, which obviously they haven't, then it's probably time to do the rewrite.

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Kelli Young's avatar

Ding ding!! “Good Satire” Waiting on the rewrite..

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

I took it as a metaphor for the film Zardoz.

And how Sean Connery was a much bigger goose than Billy Joel.

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Julia kirsch's avatar

I’m shocked and entertained by their comments at the same time 🤭

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Me too...I'm going to leave a comment or two to show the world I care.

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Jamie's avatar

🤣😂🤣

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Barbara Shaidnagle's avatar

There was no reason for character assassination. It’s a good song.

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Brian Howard's avatar

Agree. It is a great song. Written by a deranged psychopath.

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Liz LaPoint's avatar

🤣

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Itzá shitz zong...

The IDF plays it on a loop to coerce Palestinians to confess to October 7.

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E. Lewis's avatar

A little character assassination every now & then is good for the soul.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Wouldn't Billy need some character, a priori though.

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E. Lewis's avatar

Touché. Well played.

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

It keeps me from assassinating my audience..

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LBMLiz's avatar

Nononono! You’ve misinterpreted the entire song. In Joel’s early days, he sang in dive bars. You must have gone to dive bars at some point. Maybe in college? I saw him play in a dive bar in D.C. way back, when I was in high school. Beer and wine were legal for 18 year olds, and practically nobody carded anyway.

I won’t go line by line, but you can be sure all the characters in that song are based on real people he encountered during those years. John the Bartender is a would be actor, probably in a NYC bar. Waitress “practices politics”, the politics she employs to get a bigger tip. This is early 70s, remember. We were all shaking some booty for a better tip. A real estate novelist? Sells houses to pay his rent; is writing that Great American Novel, which will never be finished. These are all people with dreams….including the Piano Man himself. Getting out of the dive bars and into the dream of success he harbors. And “Son can you play me a memory?” That’s pure poetry. But you have to be my age, with more days behind me than ahead, to understand. The old man knows it’s too late for his dream, so he lives in the memories of those times.

Brilliant song. Brilliant songwriter. (Although I will agree he wrote his best stuff when he was young, broke, and heartbroken in love.)

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Lex Rex, Esq.'s avatar

I’d like to introduce you to Barry Manilow

https://youtu.be/owUYYp28nvE

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Brian Howard's avatar

Damn. "I am music."

"I write the songs of love and special things."

They should throw this guy in jail for the bridge alone.

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Still Waters by Bridget Claire's avatar

Speaking of Megalomaniacs (ahem),

I just remembered a certain conversation I had back in the nineties with my private cello instructor about Barry Manilow. Kelly was a phenomenally talented cellist, and not unlike most starving young musicians, she found herself working a lot of freelance gigs while also giving private lessons to asshole teenagers like myself.

Anyway, Barry Manilow was busy once again at taking the joy out of hearing in both ears by torturing, I mean touring, North America. He was benevolent enough to visit The Fox Theatre, St. Louis while Kelly was employed as a house musician in the orchestra. During a routine orchestral rehearsal session for another show, Manilow happened to drop in to take a look around the theatre prior to his show’s rehearsal session scheduled for later that afternoon. Everyone at the venue, including all theatre staff and guest performers and their staff, were threatened beforehand by way of Manilow’s management, not only to never speak to nor approach the singer, but also not to even look in the direction of his face, and especially to NEVER make eye contact with him.

Manilow the Magnificent, crooner of “Mandy” fame, forbids all eye contact with mere mortals when touring. Kelly managed to bravely steal a few sideways glances at his royal highness and described him as wearing ‘some sort of purplish cape-like getup’ and sunglasses.

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Chris Meier's avatar

Curiously enough, he did not write that particular song.

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BornAlive's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Ruby's avatar

Ha ha ha!!! Nooooo, not Barry!

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Kelli Young's avatar

Just a little history while you laugh at this man and his need to bot be approached or looked at during non performances. He is extremely shy and has horrible stage fright. He also was attacked at several performances. his management sought to protect him so he could continue performing. Sounds like Kelly was a nasty judgy bitch

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poetinapaperbag's avatar

Please..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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tru3's avatar

Really interesting unpacking of this song. My take is the voice of this poem, the piano man, is just talking about himself.

That makes him a narcissist.

He’s the automaton, the player piano, playing other people’s memories.

He gets his drinks for free, the one slowly getting stoned.

He’s practicing politics, by smiling and agreeing with people sitting at the piano to fill his tip jar.

He’s the one who wants out of this place.

It’s a voice of quiet desperation.

Just my take. Thanks for the piece. 🙂

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Derpetology101's avatar

It's a good take, but self awareness and speaking of your own experiences hardly makes someone a narcissist.

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tru3's avatar

Good point. 🙂

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Myriad Mike's avatar

Okay, this is a pretty good one, I'll give you that. However... I see it more as a tribute to a typical dive bar, with regulars, "where everybody knows your name", and every dive bar has it's usual cast of flunkies, deadbeats, and drunks that talk about their lifetime of "would've, could've, should've's", as they make their sad march toward their graves, one drink at a time.

I've been in some bars that ended up with an act, performer, or band that was MILES above the place. Just way better than the place deserved, and it's always kinda cool, really.

And... if someone like Billy Joel, especially back then when he was still pretty cool, fresh, and novel, had graced one of those dive bars, with a string of Saturday Night performances, it most likely would have been like "Seriously dude, what the hell are YOU doing HERE!?"

Great piece though!

Now do "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John, because his sister sounds like a whore!

;~)

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Liz T 🇦🇺's avatar

Exactly this! It’s a song about a dive bar full of lonely people. And anyone who’s worked bar (as I have for nearly 35 years) knows exactly how that looks.

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Jennifer Louise's avatar

Maybe also Paul Simon's Late in the Evening. I guess those kinds of scenes are ancient history now. I think Billy was being self-deprecating in those lyrics. Like: everyone loves what my music does for them but none of them know the real me. That kind of thing. It's a paradox. The thing that brings us all together is something that none of us own.

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S Peter Davis's avatar

I came into this article ready to defend Billy Joel with my whole heart, but now my only concern is how do I stop Billy Joel from murdering everyone I have ever loved?

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JB Minton 📺's avatar

This is a great (and funny) critical analysis. Well done!

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Brian Howard's avatar

Thank you, JB! I also enjoyed your piece on Billy Joel’s surprisingly good new song.

https://open.substack.com/pub/jbminton/p/forgiving-billy-joel?r=c50dd&utm_medium=ios

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Political Psychology Café's avatar

This was a most entertaining read! I met someone who only liked one song by The Police. You guessed it, Every Breath You Take. The “stalker song”. I’ve also had “issues” with Barry Manilow’s “I write the songs that make the whole world sing” lyric. Do ya bud? Do ya?

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Cole Rennix's avatar

Barry Manilow did not actually write “I Write the Songs.” That it became one of his biggest hits actually amuses him, too.

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Political Psychology Café's avatar

FYI - this response was in fun. Respect to songwriters who sing and/or write songs about how amazing they are😆. Mr. Manilow has had an amazing career as a performing artist and songwriter and I can’t count how many Police and Sting concert ticket stubs (paper and digital) I have. Not a Billy Joel fan, but his music was unavoidable, catchy, and continues to be loved by many. Peace out ☮️

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Derpetology101's avatar

I think you missed the point of that song. He's not singing in first person. He's singing in the role of music, itself. Think of how artists will speak about their muse, as if the inspiration comes from outside of themselves.

I've been alive forever

And I wrote the very first song

I put the words and the melodies together

I am music, and I write the songs

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Political Psychology Café's avatar

Acknowledged.

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Ben's avatar

Also Billy Joel: "Go ahead with your own life. Leave me alone."

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Brian Howard's avatar

Couldn't agree more. The other guy is just trying to give him some sound advice. Who would disagree with "don't sleep alone in a strange place?"

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Ray Montecalvo's avatar

Was this an assignment for a creative writing class? Tell the truth…

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Brian Howard's avatar

No. It was actually a class about Serial Killers, Megalomaniacs, and Other Psychopaths. Behold the floating head!

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Ray Montecalvo's avatar

Being from NY and having grown up in the 60’s and 70’s, I admit to being partial to Billy. He was a big part of the zeitgeist. As far as I’m concerned, he was entitled to toot his own horn.

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D. Randall Blythe's avatar

How anyone could fail to grasp that this purposefully and ridiculously overwrought analysis of “Piano Man” is simply an exercise in HUMOR is beyond me— in fact, that so many people take it seriously makes me despair for the future of humanity. Maybe Billy Joel fans don’t have much of a sense of humor? Or maybe the lunacy of modern life has beaten everyone into a grim state of constant and depressed literal interpretation? This shit was FUNNY- y’all need to lighten up before you have a heart attack-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak…

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Ricardamundo's avatar

Well of course, but it isn't actually funny. It doesn't work either way.

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Christopher Manson's avatar

So funny. I once drew a cartoon of someone in his bathroom with Billy Joel on the other side sitting at a small piano and the guy says "Man what are YOU doing here?" Cos I always thought that was the dumbest fucking lyric ever.

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