Grandmother Insists on Calling HBO Hit Drama “Two Detectives”
February 18, 2014
QUEENS, NY – Dolores Pickens, a 78 year old grandmother of seven, has drawn the ire and frustration of friends and family members for her dogged insistence on referring to “True Detective,” the HBO hit drama starring Matthew McConnaughey and Woody Harrelson as a pair of Louisiana investigators hunting down a serial killer, by the name “Two Detectives.”
The drama, which many critics have heralded as an instant classic, follows McConnaughey’s and Harrelson’s characters across a 17 year period as they wrestle with dark themes involving crime, nihilism and existential angst. It is this level of excellence that has Pickens’ son, Marty, 45, who lives in the downstairs apartment in the same house as his mother, increasingly frustrated at his mother’s unwillingness to even acknowledge that she is calling the show by an incorrect name.
“It’s a shame, actually. This show has raised the stakes on what can be created in a dramatized serial format, reaching new levels of complex character-driven entertainment, and my mom, she just doesn’t get it,” complained Marty while his sisters Gladys, 43 and Pamela, 47, nodded in agreement. “For my mom to get the name wrong like every time, it’s a daily insult to the people who pour their hearts, souls and talents into this show – this Creation.”
“I know they sound almost the same,” explained Pamela, “and it’s not crazy because the show is indeed about TWO DETECTIVES, but c’mon, we’re eight episodes in and we’ve told you the actual name of the show like fifty times and the fact that you’re still saying it wrong tells us that you totally don’t give a shit anymore.”
The elder Pickens confirmed that she totally doesn’t give a shit anymore. “I worked for the Board of Ed for 52 years, raised three mostly ungrateful kids who add very little to society, I can barely see or hear anymore, who the fuck cares whether I say the name right? I look at the TV set and see two detectives. Marty tells me the show is called something else, but again, who the fuck cares?”
Although Pickens watches the show religiously every Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. and then again at 11:00 p.m. for good measure, Pickens has mixed feelings about the series. “The skinny one is nice to look at, but I haven’t understood one damned word he said the whole season. And that’s not because I’m mostly deaf, it’s because the boy doesn’t open his mouth when he talks.”
“The other one makes me laugh, even though I didn’t like when he told that pretty girl that he was going to ‘skull fuck’ her. He reminds me of the bartender on that show from a few years back, ‘The Bar,’ or whatever the fuck it was called.”